just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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