is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
we're making bets on your personal life
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
