Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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