Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
wanna go halves on a baby?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
