He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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