Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Your cock deserves a montage
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize