Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
My liver just had a heart attack.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
