Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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