4 words: hood of his car
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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