You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
