well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Randomize
