I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
