Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
