Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
