Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Randomize
