whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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