The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
