I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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