I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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