dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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