P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
