I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
