I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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