the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
