Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Dicks are not precious.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
