just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
