Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize