i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
