did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Do vagina's smell?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
