I want to walk on stilts...naked
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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