she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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