imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
