I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
