My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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