i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
