i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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