It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
