And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
