seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
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