D3 body, D1 cock
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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