from now on my penis is your penis
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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