Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
