Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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