how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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