I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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