So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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