im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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