no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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