I'm sorry my penis didn't work
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
