My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
