Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
