grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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