I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
