I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
