Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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