My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
