I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
