They should really pass out barf bags in church
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
In other news, I just burned my penis
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
