Only a mothe r could love this liver
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
