what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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