Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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