I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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