my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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