Already got asked if we're dating
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
