Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
