Kiss
Puke
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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