Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
