Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
