I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
