youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
