I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
