Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
