the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
