We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
