Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I wish life had little blips of pornography
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
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