Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
