I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
