1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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