Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize