After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
