so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
