I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize