people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
