Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
