okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
